Recently a man who many were inspired by, and helped us, embody modern feminism: is according to his soon to be ex-wife is a womanizing douchebag. Her account of their marriage and the way she was treated are not good, it is heartbreaking. The fact that he committed adultery is sad When you factor in he was a serial cheater and lead a double life, so much so that Kai didn’t know until he wanted a divorce. So Joss waited fifteen years to admit that he lied, cheated, and manipulated her. In fact, it started around the start of Buffy, and soon after they were married Joss apparently was sleeping with someone on the set of Buffy! (Side note* anyone know the dirt on that shit?) So after reading up on the scathing article on The Wrap, I’m a more than a little jolted. It featured an angry betrayed Kai Cole speaking out in order to show the world “real Joss”. It’s not pretty but in all honesty not surprising in the entertainment industry, the fact that it’s Joss that did this is surprising. My question is does his personal life, detract from his professional work? Does this incessantly cast an obscure mark on the entity of Buffy, Angel, Firefly, Doctor Horrible, Agents of Shield, and many others! Can we compartmentalize this, just brush it under the rug, or should we throw him under the bus?
So, my heart is breaking a little, fudge, okay a lot we all sort of already figured this out. (I.e. the not so subtle way he punished Charisma Carpenter on Angel*) The gravity of being outed as a misogynist, serial cheater, and master manipulator by Kai his partner of sixteen years is detrimental! Apparently, he confessed after fifteen years that their whole marriage was a lie, a shield for his public image. Also that he started his first affair on the set of Buffy. Once he crossed the line and felt powerful and the “unofficial” patriarch of Mutant Enemy. He couldn’t stop he was awash in megalomania, he just kept going. Having multiple sexual affairs, he lived a double life. When Joss as a final point told her the truth and it stunned her so badly she was distraught and eventually diagnosed with complex PTSD. Now he did that to his partner, his wife, the woman he chose to share his life with. Obviously, Joss messed up when his ride-or-die-bitch divorced and exposed him!
On the Wrap Kai Cole stated: “ Now that it is finally public, I want to let women know that he is not who he pretends to be. I want the people who worship him to know he is human, and the organizations giving him awards for his feminist work, to think twice in the future about honoring a man who does not practice what he preaches. But no matter what happens, or how people interpret this statement, I no longer have to carry the burden of Joss’ long-term deceit and confessions. I am free. ~TheWrap
Joss, this is not looking good for you right now.
Our first ignored issue that fans turned a blind eye too, was Joss’s treatment of Charisma Carpenter. So the story goes like this: Charisma didn’t tell Joss that she was a few months pregnant as she was worried she would have a miscarriage again. When she finally does tell him about being pregnant Joss instead of being the nice guy he decided to be a jackass. Basically, he had to rewrite his storyline and instead of delving into the strengths, talent, and hard work. Joss decides he’s going to punish Charisma Carpenter. Basically doing everything his power to destroy his own creation “Cordy”! See Angel Season Four, it’s icky, uncomfortable, and made Joss look like a giant asshole, more publicly then he seemed it realize. Effectively ruining her character and taking the story to a petty level. Carpenter to her credit pulls it off. She becomes a dark selfish woman helping along a disturbing Oedipus style love Triangle with Angel and his son Conner. Joss is so emotionally scorned with his perceived smiting by Carpenter, that even the viewer can feel it. Angel is Joss’s chosen sacrificial victim and we watch him happily starting to put the metaphorical nails into Angel’s TV career coffin. Why, did we overlook this? Answer: Joss made Firefly and we all forgot. Because, Firefly Wow!
Do attacks on his personal life, rumors, accounts, and the anger of a woman reviled, detract from what he has done professionally? Fairly Joss douche or not created Buffy, and changed television and inspired a generation of young women like me to say I can be a hero! As Buffy’s stated, “Ooooh I am quaking in my stylish yet affordable boots.” The characters are three-dimensional and are garnered many strengths, but then again were just as fallible as a real person. It was an inspiration. It said: you can do it all save the world, go to college, have friends, family, love, support, and still be strong when you’re alone. It means I can’t use my own voice and tell off all these creepy old white men! (Watchers* Whose literal job, is to watch and to mold young girls into weapons. Yeah, that isn’t shady at all… They are literally using the girl chosen as their tool or an object to be molded how they see fit.) The undertones of that, with Joss and his personal problems are a little too close for comfort. The shows both blatant and subtle portrayal of powerful women is large, dynamic and influential. Buffy was very symbolic to the young women who watched it. The end of B.T.V.S. strongly transports the viewer to the idea we are all chosen, strong, and powerful.
A few tidbits I learned
- We all have the power inside us to change the world for the better
- Women are strong, it’s okay for men to be damsels in distress
- Guns are bad, so is beer…
- Addiction is real and can happen to anyone
- Family is more than just blood
- Even thousand-year-old demons deserves second chance
- Real life death is more bracing than a supernatural death
- You fall in love with the person, not a gender
- You can save the world,
- Even thousand-year-old keys need love
- Putting the world before yourself is hard
- Bad boys are pretty sexy especially when they brood
- Witty comebacks are essential
- Growing up sucks.
- A Musical episode should be in every show
Buffy was very symbolic to the young women who watched it. So Joss can you seriously apologize? Honestly, your fans have literally had their hearts broken by you. If you need an example I got you. I mean just be like, dude I’m a douche. I’m sorry! Or maybe you could use the ole joss is cookie dough and is still baking thing. I don’t know much about you personally but I know that the creations you made, made me stronger. Buffy challenged people to think of the world in a different way. It helped take some of the of pain and struggle of being a woman. Someone knocks us down, we get back up, dust ourselves off and never give up. I know these are allegations and applaud Kai for standing up for herself. Without her, we wouldn’t have Buffy, as she influenced the direction of Joss’s success.
So for me, I won’t let Joss take the love I hold for Buffy that’s mine. Also, most of us already knew he wasn’t a real feminist we aren’t blind. When you get a rich white dude to fight for you, in this world you sometimes we don’t have a choice. As a woman I know we will always end up taking a ton of bullshit if it’s for the cause and we will keep at it! Why, would we keep on keeping on, it’s simple women kick ass.